Today a client of mine said to me, “I am so sick of it, and the impact it is having on my life!”. The “it” for her was a specific issues she was struggling with in her life, but we all have an “it”, which could be anything at all you are struggling with in our life. This comment raised some very important issue that we discuss in our session, she found this discussion quite useful so I thought I would share it with you.
Firstly, I encourage her not to blame “it”, as this keeps her in a powerless and helpless place, as you cannot change “it”, because “it” has already happened. Further,“it” is our life experience, it might be the death of someone, a relationship ending, loosing a job or many other things that are really painful and hard to work through. But these things are the substance of life; we are all faced with difficulties in life that are really hard to cope with. However when worked through they can significantly add to our life and help us to grow and evolve as people.
Secondly I supported her to see that the way she is with (or relates to) “it” is the real problem and to be sick of this, not the life events themselves! We often have no (or limited) control over many of the things that life throws at us and they have already happened as stated above, so being “sick of it” only causes more problems. For example resentment, bitterness, feeling stuck, fear, shame and the list could go on!
This is so critical because when we are sick of our life events and related to them in unhelp ways, we get stuck in a negative loop and are unable to move forward and grow. Over the years I have noticed many typical ways that we respond to “it” or life that makes things worse and stops us from growing and evolving in response to difficult life events. For example these include:
• Fear of it
• Judging it
These are the common ways that most people relate to their “it”, which not only causes the “it” to become more of a problem, but causes many more associated problems as well. The alternative is, firstly not to engage in any of the avoid, control, suppress, fear and judge responses listed above and secondly to be with “it” (or anything life throws at you) in healthy ways that promote growth and development, these include:
I will look at these more positive responses in subsequent blogs.